Alone
by DollyDagger130
Summary: Loneliness is a bigger drive than he knew. Can Bella forgive him? Rated M for future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I sat opposite her, trying to appear like I was reading the newspaper instead of outright staring at her. I had learned quickly that staring while she was around food had a negative effect on how much she ate. I think my staring made her anxious. I didn't want to make her anxious.

She sighed and pushed her plate forwards gently. My eyes snapped to hers. Had she caught me staring again? Probably. I was never as stealthy as I thought I was about it. It was hard though. If we were on better terms, I would have had a good enough reason to look at her. If we were engaged in a conversation, it would be polite to look at her. The problem was we had yet to have any civil conversations and so I had to sneak glances at her every few seconds.

As she began fiddling with the sleeve on her jumper, I noticed she looked troubled. She almost always did. I wished fervently that she didn't. Her mouth opened slightly a couple of times, but she snapped it shut before any words escaped.

I grew impatient with her stalling. She clearly wanted to say something and I was eager to hear her speak.

This time, I sighed. "Out with it, Bella."

She looked chastised and I regretted my tone instantly. She drew in a deep breath before expelling in a gust.

"I don't want to fight with you again. It's exhausting. So let me get this out before you blow up at me again please."

My eyes widened slightly and I nodded once.

"I'm staying here. I get it. You've made that perfectly clear so I know better than to beg you to let me go again. Don't get me wrong, I don't like it."

She stopped to choke out a bitter chuckle.

"I'm never going to like it. But I think if you could answer some of my questions...I just think it would help. Why did you take me? What drove you to it? I don't understand."

She began gesticulating wildly with her hands like she always did when she got worked up. I had to hold in my smile. She was cute. Like a kitten who thought she was a tiger.

"I have no idea why I'm here, why you won't let me go. You won't hurt me, I know that. I've been here, what, 4 days and you haven't laid a hand on me. I'm grateful, this would be a thousand times worse if you were violent or abusive, or you know, fancied draining my body of blood."

She rolled her eyes like the possibility was ridiculous.

"But I still don't get it. You kidnapped me, you took me away from my whole life and you won't tell me why. What am I doing here, Edward? Tell me, please."

Her chocolate brown eyes were glassy as she whispered "please" once again.

I wasn't expecting her impassioned plea. This topic of conversation was hardly new between us, but I didn't expect to hear the desperation in her voice. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't hold out hope that once she had her answers, she'd warm up to me and maybe our living situation wouldn't be quite so fraught.

I edged my hand across the table and picked up her plate. I rose slowly, at human pace, and took it to the kitchen, trying to ignore Bella's currently murderous expression. _She thinks I'm ignoring her. _

I wasn't. Not really. Now it was my turn to stall. I'm not an idiot. I realise this must be excruciatingly confusing for her, not to mention terrifying. I'm a 113 year old vampire and I plucked a 22 year old human girl off the streets and locked her away. She deserves her answers. Of course she did.

There was one thing stopping me though. _What if it helped nothing?_ I was still holding out hope that things would get better if she understood my motives a little better. But what if she didn't? Was I prepared to spend forever with this girl knowing she abhorred me and always would? I shuddered slightly as the thought of letting her walk out flitted through my mind. I couldn't stand the thought.

I heard her angry footsteps following me.

"Don't you dare walk away from me!" She snarled. I whirled to face her and immediately dropped my eyes to the floor at the sight of her. She looked crazed. I realised she didn't just want her answers, she needed them. I didn't know where to begin but an apology seemed like a good start.

"I'm sor-"

"Sorry isn't what I fucking want. Tell me why!"

I flinched and then whispered a reluctant "okay".

Her breath caught and she stuttered out "o-okay?"

I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor.

"Okay." I repeated and then took a deep breath.

"I don't really know where to start so I hope you'll forgive me if this seems disjointed or hard to follow."

I looked up at her, still standing in the doorway, hands on her hips. She gave me a curt nod and her eyes implored me to continue. I sighed quickly, eager to get this over with. _Please let her understand_.

"I haven't told you much about what I am. You said earlier that you know I won't hurt you. I never would. My...nature, it isn't easy to control but I don't feed off humans, its immoral and." I trailed off, focusing on her toes a couple of metres away.

"And?"

"And I don't want to be a monster."

A few seconds passed and I was working up the courage to glance at her, to see her reaction when she surprised me by edging forward and taking a seat next to me against the wall.

"I'm glad." She said simply. I looked up at her and she smiled slightly. Sheepishly. I stared unabashed, liking how being honest hadn't sent her screaming off to her room, but had instead left her sitting next to me almost smiling. She started fidgeting so I looked away and carried on.

"My life was just one never ending stretch and then I met you. Our kind don't sleep or even get tired but that day, I was just exhausted. I've heard humans use the phrase "bone tired" before and never really understood...but I did that day. I was walking back here and suddenly I felt like I couldn't make it home. What was the point? I was going home to nothing. So I collapsed to the ground...I'm not sure if it was a conscious decision to wait it out or if I had no control over it at all. I was there three hours, maybe four, I'm not really sure. Countless humans walked past me, most of them ignored me, one spat at me."

Bella snorted delicately and softly said "Every species has its monsters."

I swallowed thickly and continued on.

"You walked by and you saw me. I think you _see _me. I must have looked terrifying, it was almost dark and I was huddled against that wall, head resting on my knees, barely breathing. And yet you reached out and touched my shoulder. You startled me. I don't think I've ever been startled before - not since I was changed anyway. You had the kindest eyes I'd ever seen and I immediately felt...hope. Perhaps there was more than nothing after all. So I took you. I didn't take the time to think it through, I just did."

She was wringing her hands in her lap, eyes glued to the motion. It was probably time to attempt apologising again.

"Bella, I am truly sorry for what I'm putting you through. I know that means nothing because I won't let you go."

She sighed sadly and nodded.

"So you aren't here because I want to drink from you or hurt you in anyway. I just...I don't want to lose that feeling. I've been alive more years than I care to remember and I have never felt like that before. I can't let you go because I don't know I'll ever feel like that again and that is just unimaginable to me."

I stopped talking then. I supposed I had spoken enough tonight. She continued twisting her fingers for a minute or two before abruptly standing. My dead heart sank. This was clearly the end of our conversation. _She'll return to ignoring me unless she wants to yell at me again. _

I found myself saddened at the thought. I wanted to talk to her, to have her talk to me. I knew nothing about this girl. Just her name and that she wanted to go home. I wanted to know her, but I doubt she would ever let me. _What the hell am I doing?_

As she walked out the door, she paused and half-turned towards me.

"Thank you for telling me." Before she turned and disappeared from my sight, she smiled quickly. It was strained, but it was definitely a smile. Five seconds ago, I was reconsidering what I had done and now I was more sure than ever that she belonged with me.

**-A/N: Reviews welcome. **


	2. Chapter 2

Petulantly, I wanted to slam the bathroom door as I had every time before. However, tonight was different.

I lent my head back against the door as I thought through everything I'd learnt tonight. He was different tonight. Usually he was blunt and snappy when I asked questions, but he'd been honest and finally answered them. Does that excuse anything?

I was a kidnapping victim, and he was my kidnapper. I didn't have to accept his excuses. I threw my clothes off angrily and stomped into the shower that was, to be fair, the most glorious thing about being here.

His words ran through my mind as I washed my hair thoroughly.

"Perhaps there was more than nothing after all."

He was alone. He had nothing. I froze. Had he been alone for over a 100 years? If he had, or anywhere close to that, could I blame him for acting the way he had? Would I react in the same way in his situation?

And then it hit me. Edward was lonely. Like can't-go-on-another-minute lonely. I felt a pang in my chest at how that must feel. I understood lonely. I moved away from home as soon as school was finished and started my life in the city. I was all alone and I relished the independence but I got lonely too sometimes. Not lonely enough to steal a stranger off the street, but still, lonely.

I still didn't agree with what he'd done, but maybe he wasn't a monster. Plus It was hard to hate him when his eyes lit up whenever I wasn't openly hostile towards him. I sighed. This was more confusing than ever.

Is sympathising with your captor really a good idea?!

I sighed again. I knew all about Stockholm Syndrome, I'd taken the odd Psychology class and I watched enough scary criminal programmes. I thought about the risk of befriending my captor to my mind. So far, he had done nothing but try to make me comfortable here. I had a feeling he wanted me to like it, to like him. He didn't appear to want to manipulate me, change me and mould me into something he wanted. He just wanted me to be here.

I supposed if I didn't have a choice, I could do that.

I realised that tonight was different. If I was going to be here indefinitely, I did not want to be miserable. I would make the best of it and then maybe he would let me go. Or at the very least, let my family know that I was okay. We weren't close or anything but in a few weeks, they'd notice that I hadn't called lately and eventually report me missing. I didn't want them to worry, it wasn't fair on them.

Tonight, I would start small. Extend an olive branch, I decided. I padded back to my room in my towel determined to make some progress with Edward. I pulled on a black tank top and grey pyjama pants and began to write a list. Once I was happy that I had covered everything I needed, I left my room. Since I came here, I had barely left it so this felt foreign, like I was intruding.

I descended the stairs and wandered through the large lounge and then the kitchen where he'd bared his soul on the floor earlier. Where on earth are you?

I had no clue how he spent his evenings after I escaped to my room after dinner. A flash of bronze hair caught my attention as I walked past the piano room. He was sitting on the day bed opposite the grand piano occupying the raised platform on the left.

I entered nervously, unsure whether I should knock. I decided against it. He told me to make myself at home, and the door was open.

He knew I was there. He was observant enough and I was sure that nothing I did went unnoticed by him. However, he did not raise his head from the book in his hands until I softly cleared my throat. He smiled softly and my heart thudded uncomfortably in my chest.

"Hi."

His smile widened slightly. In my hurry to get this part over with, I abandoned the olive branch momentarily.

"I don't like the food you have here. There's nothing wrong with it, but I don't like rice or porridge or toast. I need a bit more variety. Also I don't have enough clothes, just a few more outfits would do. I know I don't leave the house…that I won't leave the house but I'd like to be comfortable. I've written a list…" I placed the notepad beside him and he instantly picked it up with a curious expression. He read through it quickly and looked up at me with sad eyes.

"Bella, I'm sor-" I interrupted him, apologies didn't change anything.

"No, don't be. But I'd be really grateful if you could get these for me. I don't think its much to ask if-"

Then he interrupted me. "Done. You'll have everything on this list tomorrow, is there anything else you need?"

I shook my head slowly, not sure if I was surprised by his easy acceptance or not.

"Well, alright then. Please let me know if there is ever anything you need."

He was speaking more formally than usual and his last sentence was almost a dismissal. I spun and turned to leave, and then stopped, deciding against it. I was going to try, wasn't I?

"Do you play?"

He followed my gaze to the piano.

"I do."

"I haven't heard you."

"I usually play at night. I didn't want to wake you, you don't sleep well as it is."

I frowned at that, whilst I ignored the comment about my sleep, confirmation that nothing I did went unnoticed. Sodding vampire.

"You should play. When I do sleep, I sleep deeply. And if I'm not sleeping, then I'd like to hear you play sometime."

"Really?" He looked half suspicious, half hopeful which sent another pang through me. Was he really this starved of interaction?

"Really," I confirmed. Jesus, I really was not a master conversationalist tonight.

"I should get to bed."

Disappointment flashed across his face before he masked it. Instead of leaving, I stomped over in the direction of the piano and sat on the raised edge facing him on the day bed. He now looked bewildered. What am I doing?

"You took me because you're lonely. You didn't use that word earlier but it's the underlying theme of everything you said."

He fidgeted with a page of his book before raising his eyes to mine.

"You're right."

I took a deep breath and fixed my eyes on his. I wanted my next words to sound sincere because they absolutely were.

"I could have been your friend, you know. There were easier ways to achieve it than this"

He gasped quietly and whispered "It's too late now, right?"

I sighed at him sadly. "Maybe not. What are you reading?"

"A Song of Ice and Fire. Have you heard of it?"

"Of course. I've read it," I smiled genuinely.

He grinned back at me, which made me want to keep smiling at him. Why did I want to do that?

"I only just started it, so please no spoilers."

I smiled again. "My lips are sealed."

"Did you like it?" He questioned, shifting in his seat so that he was leaning slightly towards me. He cared about my answer, it wasn't a polite enquiry.

"Yeah. I find it hard to understand and get immersed in the whole fantasy thing, but its really well-written. It's kind of enchanting. The power, the greed, the lust...it all speaks to themes in today's world too. Plus there are some incredibly strong female characters which I loved. Books with damsels in distress aren't my thing."

He chuckled softly. His laugh!

"Well, I look forward to all of that."

I stood up quickly, inspiration hitting me. He looked chagrined, like he'd said something wrong.

"You're lonely." I repeated. "And if I stay here, you are all I have. And I don't want to be lonely. No one should have to be lonely."

Edward's wide eyes stared back at me unblinking. I decided to carry on.

"So...maybe you could read to me for a bit? Friends do that, right?" He continued to stare at me in silence. This was getting embarrassing. I'm standing here basically begging my captor to be my friend and he's not basically not interested. I bit my lip and moved my gaze to the floor in front of me.

He cleared his throat roughly sending my eyes back to his. He was shaking his head in disbelief.

"I'd love to read to you. Come sit...please."

I cocked my head to the side slightly, trying to determine if he was making fun of me. He wasn't. He looked sincere like always. So I walked over and sat down next to him.

He passed me a blanket. "Here, it's probably kind of cold for you."

"I don't really mind the cold," I replied as I smiled my thanks. The way he smiled back made me feel a lot warmer anyway.

As I rested my head against the cushions, he began to read in that melodic voice of his. It was soothing, and I had no doubt that I'd be drifting too sleep soon. What the hell am I getting myself into?


End file.
